As a service to independent freelance translators, the tips listed below represent proven strategies for getting noticed and hired by top translation agencies:

10. Email your resume at five minute intervals for a full 24 hour period. If no response in 3 days repeat for maximum effectiveness.

9. Cite top celebrities’ names as references. No one checks.

8. In tough economic times offer to actually pay agencies for assignments you complete. For rush assignments, pay them more.

7. Create separate versions of your resume under thousands of assumed names. Send them all.

6. Hire a pricey New York PR firm to promote you.

5. Discreetly slip the agency’s hiring manager a twenty.

4. Claim you’re a native speaking translator in over 100 languages in every area of specialization!

3. When the hiring manager asks what your rates are, casually respond “how much money do you have?”

2. Offer to take a brief translation test and a motor vehicle driving test.

1. And the #1 way freelance translators get agencies to notice and hire them, ”Google Translate Certified!”